Attending school in New York City, I had the opportunity to meet people of all different backgrounds and cultures. Despite being raised in one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world, I still had not had a classmate who was also ethnically Indian all throughout elementary and middle school. I met several students from other Asian countries, and even countries neighboring India such as Bangladesh and Pakistan but I had never attended school with someone who was genuinely ethnically Indian. This made me feel racially isolated and I even began to become self-conscious of my ethnicity and culture. My only contact with other Indians from a young age besides my immediate family was my extended family, who I would speak to on the phone, but would rarely see face-to-face.

Nevertheless, I did not let this obstacle stop me from developing a strong connection with my cousins. While my aunts and uncles did not speak English well, my cousins learned to speak English in school and I would often Skype call them on a weekly basis. I would always look forward to coming home from school so I could play video games online with them. Still, I had always felt that our relationship was lacking due to the absence of in-person contact that is characteristic of most normal familial relationships. 

This all changed in the summer of 2016. I was packing my bags, excited to go to India for the first time since I was four years old. Being the young, adventurous teenager I was, I would always look forward to traveling outside of the United States and getting exposed to other cultures. This time, I would be rediscovering my own culture. Most importantly, I was looking forward to reconnecting with family that I had not seen in person for many years. 

When we finally reached India, however, it was nothing like I was expecting. Because the last time I visited was when I was four years old, I did not remember how different the culture was, and the change of environment was more than enough to throw me off. As my family and I were greeted by my relatives, my enthusiasm quickly faded. My mother embraced her

family, who she had not seen in years, and they all began to greet each other in Hindi. Since I was not fluent in Hindi, I felt left out. When asked a question by my aunt, everyone chuckled after I was left speechless not being able to comprehend what she had asked me. I immediately began to feel insecure and the image of India that I had built up in my head fell apart. I went from identifying myself as Indian to feeling as though I could not fit in. For the entire car ride to my aunt’s home, I sat alone not being able to understand my cousins, uncles, and aunts as they spoke to my mother in Hindi. I couldn’t help to feel that I was somehow too American for them. 

When we arrived, I sat in the corner of the room trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible. I felt embarrassed at the fact that I was so out of touch with my culture and even felt spoiled in a way. It almost felt like all my cousins who I would spend hours speaking to over the phone and playing video games were completely different people. I started to think more and more about my identity as an Indian and began to question how close my cousins and I really were. Thankfully, my mother was able to spot my aloofness and came over to talk to me. “They were just joking. Nobody expects you to speak fluently in Hindi. It’s basically your first time here, ” she explained. I did not believe her at first, but I stayed optimistic and decided to be proactive and try to socialize. 

Instead of sitting back and not talking, I decided to joke around about how I could not understand Hindi and tried to embrace the joke rather than letting it bother me. As we joked around and laughed, I felt more connected and started to remember the same family that I would talk to after school on Skype and bond with. When we went to the Independence Day celebration festival on August 15th, the connection between my Indian family and me only grew stronger. The festival was something that I had never seen in America and began to develop a sense of what Indian culture was truly like. There were bright lights, loud music, and a religious

ceremony featuring a yogi who recited Hindu prayers. Outside, there were loud fireworks that lit up the night sky upon exploding with a bang and leaving behind the scent of smoke. I saw complete strangers singing, dancing, and embracing each other on the streets. I also could smell the various flavors of food they were eating: smoked tandoori chicken, buttered naan, and sugar from the various sweet desserts. The combination of partying and religion was not something that I frequently encountered in America. Furthermore, something that I had always looked forward to was trying Indian food in India. Indian food was always a pleasure to eat in America, but I had always wondered if it lacked authenticity. This festival gave me the chance to compare the same dishes prepared in different countries and I was surprised by how rich and flavorful the authentic Indian dishes were. 

It was after this festival that I came to realize how important it is to be open-minded when experiencing one’s own culture. I realized that just because you have made assumptions about a culture or group of people does not mean that those assumptions will always be true. In my case, I had always identified myself as an Indian, but I had overlooked how important knowing Hindi was to the culture of India. Nevertheless, I learned to look past this element and realize that it is very difficult to pigeonhole a certain culture into a defined set of characteristics. Furthermore, just because someone ethnically identifies with a certain nation does not make them privy to all the aspects of their nation’s culture. Today, I proudly identify as an Indian-American but I am much more aware of what this label means and the nuances that come along with it. While the experience of traveling to India made me challenge the assumptions made about my own ethnic self-identification, it also ultimately helped me gain a deeper understanding about my culture.